Happy Happy Happy!

Happiness is the best feeling in the world. The feeling of reaching a goal you once never thought possible, even better! 

There is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel! For so long now i've felt like i've been stuck in a rut, going in an endless cycle, and never getting anywhere. And finally, today is the day when everything fell into place. I reached my goal, I did it! Not in my own strength, but Gods!  He makes the impossible, possible! The year 2012 is the year of upgrade! and I'm excited, beyond words, to see what this year unfolds!

i need simple.

I guess you could say I'm a person of free will. I like to know that i have the choice to say no, and to say yes. I feel like everyone around me has different opinions on what I'm doing, that my mind is bombarded with a million different voices, and i can no longer hear my own. Or God's for that matter. I feel like my life is becoming more and more busy, and it's getting me nowhere, and I'm achieving nothing. Everything I'm doing is for everyone else, and i no longer have time for me. I have no time to sit and ponder life anymore, and actually think about what it is I want. Everyone is making decisions for me, and i feel like I'm letting down the people i love the most. Simply because I'm too busy.

This is not the life that i want. I don't want to be too busy, to the point where i have no time for the important things. I want to sit and enjoy the sunshine while its around, I want to explore op-shops and find treasures, I want to sit in my room and turn up the worship music and sing at the top of my voice. I want to laugh until I'm in tears, I want to go see a band i've never heard of and love every minute of it. I want to dance until I simply can't move anymore. I want to stay up all night, and sleep all day. I want to eat ice-cream and build a sand castle. I just want Simple. I want to read Alice and Wonderland a million times over. I want to see my best friend more. I want to drink tea. I want to take a million photos and cover my walls in memories. I want time to read the bible. I want to spend quality time with the people i love. These are the things that make me happy. These are the things that make me who i am. I don't want busy, I don't want serious, and i certainly don't want complicated. I need simple. 

I need simple.

Just breathe.

Cocoon.

Hold me close. Wrapped in arms. Like a butterfly. In a cocoon. Like a butterfly. In a cocoon. 

Fragile as i am. You must be careful. Gentle are these wings. They've just been born

Like a butterfly. In a cocoon

Like a butterfly. In a cocoon

Kiss me now. For the first time

And say to me. That you are mine

I'm your butterfly

Your my cocoon.

Cocoon- The Ember Days.

Fear

I find myself in tears over the pure frustration that I cannot break down the walls surrounding my heart. I feel as though if I do, everything will fall to pieces, and I won't be able to put them together again. But at the same time I know I have enough trust and faith to be able to let everything go, and open myself up to life. Pressure is the one thing that locks me up, so tight, but The thing is, I have the key, ready and waiting to unlock me, all I have to do is let go.

I realize now is the time to let go, to stop closing myself up, to dry my tears and use all of my courage to be who I am. I'm scared, but fear has never stopped me before. I'm ready.

freedom.

I am a person who screams freedom. Sometimes freedom can be mistaken for rebellion, when it shouldn't be. Everyone has a right to be who they are without judgement.

I'm not perfect, but I'm me. That's not going to change for anyone.

Influence.

I'm finally coming to a relization that i'm called to be an influence. There are so many people in my life who are so messed up, have no direction for there lives, and are becoming the people, they once, never wanted to be. This literally breaks my heart because I know they are so much better then what they are. I know that i can be the person they look up too. I want to inspire, I want to bring Jesus' light to the world through who I'm becoming and where i have been. I want to bring love, with no judgement and be someone who has a free shoulder to cry on. I want to be a person that is not afraid to take a step into the world and pull out those who have lost there way, and lead them back to the right track. I never want to bring anyone down, or tell anyone they're wrong. I simply want to be there for the people who are lost, and be ready and waiting to catch them when they fall. Be an insperation to have lost hope, lost faith, and guide them into his unconditional love.

Psalm 131.1- 3.

My heart is not proud, Lord, My eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things to wonderful for me. But i have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; Like a weaned child I am content. Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.