Fear

I find myself in tears over the pure frustration that I cannot break down the walls surrounding my heart. I feel as though if I do, everything will fall to pieces, and I won't be able to put them together again. But at the same time I know I have enough trust and faith to be able to let everything go, and open myself up to life. Pressure is the one thing that locks me up, so tight, but The thing is, I have the key, ready and waiting to unlock me, all I have to do is let go.

I realize now is the time to let go, to stop closing myself up, to dry my tears and use all of my courage to be who I am. I'm scared, but fear has never stopped me before. I'm ready.

freedom.

I am a person who screams freedom. Sometimes freedom can be mistaken for rebellion, when it shouldn't be. Everyone has a right to be who they are without judgement.

I'm not perfect, but I'm me. That's not going to change for anyone.

Influence.

I'm finally coming to a relization that i'm called to be an influence. There are so many people in my life who are so messed up, have no direction for there lives, and are becoming the people, they once, never wanted to be. This literally breaks my heart because I know they are so much better then what they are. I know that i can be the person they look up too. I want to inspire, I want to bring Jesus' light to the world through who I'm becoming and where i have been. I want to bring love, with no judgement and be someone who has a free shoulder to cry on. I want to be a person that is not afraid to take a step into the world and pull out those who have lost there way, and lead them back to the right track. I never want to bring anyone down, or tell anyone they're wrong. I simply want to be there for the people who are lost, and be ready and waiting to catch them when they fall. Be an insperation to have lost hope, lost faith, and guide them into his unconditional love.

Psalm 131.1- 3.

My heart is not proud, Lord, My eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things to wonderful for me. But i have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; Like a weaned child I am content. Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.

Just Jump.

" And the worst part is, before it gets any better we're heading for a cliff. And in the free fall I will realize, I'm better off when i hit the bottom..." Paramore.

Sometimes you just have to jump.

Hand Grenade.

Oh, to be young, It sounds like so much fun. Oh, the long wait, For things to happen, expectancy. And you, just waiting on me. I wanna know what's in your plans.

If you're an ocean then I wanna jump right in. If you're a hand grenade, Then I'll pull the pin. I'll wait right here, all night for you to let me in and I'll run run run run, Run right back to you, I'll run. 

Life's moving faster now. I'm older here, But younger somehow. Head full of fear and it makes me break. Please let me find you, Please let me know just what you want. Please let me see what you need me to be. 

Oh, if you could see in me you might be kinda scared. Oh, if I could just believeYou'll take me anywhere

Hand Grenade- The Almost.

comparison.

Sometimes i find myself comparing myself to others, and i know everybody else does too. Comparing the littlest meaningless things. I find myself asking whoever is listening inside my head, if i'm pretty enough, if i said the right thing, if i'm cool enough for them? I make an idiot out of myself 99.9999% of the time, I jumble my words up and make no sense, i wear what i want, and i'm definitley no barbie doll. But at the end of the day, I am who i am, and if i tried to be anything else, i wouldn't be me!

impatient.

Sometimes it is incredibly hard to figure out where exactly my life is heading and what my purpose on this world is. You could say, it's just me being impatient. Which i know that i am. I guess I'm just a person who wants things to happen right now, i hate waiting around for answers. I do love where I'm at right now, but i want more! i want to make a difference and i want to inspire people to live for something bigger then themselves. I feel as though I'm standing in the middle of a swing bridge that's falling apart, and i either have to run forward or quickly make my way back. Sure, it's easier to go back... but what i want is on the other side and i have to risk my life for it. Which I'm quite willing to do!

I want nothing more, then to let everything behind me crumble away and run into something worth giving up my life for. I want challenges, i want people, and i want to make a difference. I'm born to BE somebody!