Sometimes it seems people do not grow up. Not in the fact that they don't grow older and mature, but in a way which causes them to react to a situation in the same way a child does. In so many ways, you learn so much about a person, just in how they handle situations. Whether it be because they don't get their own way, they are taken off guard, or simply just stressed out. In the past few weeks I have seen people who I looked up too, or have been close too, feel the pressure and crack! Blaming everyone one around them for Thier mistakes, taking things way out of preportion, and become these horrible people who I cannot stand to be around. It's not okay to treat people like they are nobody, it's not okay to take your struggles out on somebody else, and it is absolutely not okay to make excuses for it! I don't want apoligies, I don't want excuses. Grow up and treat people with respect, if you can't, then please stay out of my life. Take off that mask, and that fake smile of yours, it might hide you for a little bit, but your true colours will come out sooner or later. Man up and take responsibility.
What do i think? What do i feel? Too be honest, i don't have a clue. I'm being asked these questions a million times over, and simply have nothing to say. Nothing. My life is flying by me so fast, and all i want is for it to slow right down to a pace that i can keep up with. I'm not saying I'm not happy with my life, I'm incredibly happy with where my life is and where it's going, I just wish that it would slow down a little bit. I want to enjoy where I'm at right now, and make the most of every single day. I couldn't be happier. I just enjoy time to myself where i can sit in my room, drink tea, and ponder my thoughts. Let my fingers overtake the keyboard and type away my thoughts. I think i just need more 'me' time, So i can take everything in, take a deep breath, and keep going. Because life was meant to be enjoyed, one.day.at.a.time.
"But his wife looked back from behind him and she became a pillar of salt"
Pillar : A structure used for decoration
Salt : A colorless solid.
Sometimes memories of places and times in our lives are a beautiful thing, Some memories bring back pain you once endured, and some bring back times you'd rather forget. Taking a step back into your old life and breathing the air you once knew too well, is somewhat painful but at the same time, it gives you a sense of achievement. I'm not usually one to dwell on the past and let it destroy me, but the fact of the matter is, looking back and getting dragged into the past does destroy. It simply does turn you into someone who is colorless, lifeless and only there for people to look at, and keep walking.
I've outgrown the past, I'm no longer the person I used to be back then. I've outgrown the people who we're once a significant part of my life, and they have only made up a small part of this massive journey called life.
All the hurt, the disappointment and the tears have made me the person I am today, and even though I may not be perfect, I am stronger because of it. I can look back, and say 'I'm better then that ' and happily leave it behind and never look back.
Happiness is the best feeling in the world. The feeling of reaching a goal you once never thought possible, even better!
There is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel! For so long now i've felt like i've been stuck in a rut, going in an endless cycle, and never getting anywhere. And finally, today is the day when everything fell into place. I reached my goal, I did it! Not in my own strength, but Gods! He makes the impossible, possible! The year 2012 is the year of upgrade! and I'm excited, beyond words, to see what this year unfolds!
I guess you could say I'm a person of free will. I like to know that i have the choice to say no, and to say yes. I feel like everyone around me has different opinions on what I'm doing, that my mind is bombarded with a million different voices, and i can no longer hear my own. Or God's for that matter. I feel like my life is becoming more and more busy, and it's getting me nowhere, and I'm achieving nothing. Everything I'm doing is for everyone else, and i no longer have time for me. I have no time to sit and ponder life anymore, and actually think about what it is I want. Everyone is making decisions for me, and i feel like I'm letting down the people i love the most. Simply because I'm too busy.
This is not the life that i want. I don't want to be too busy, to the point where i have no time for the important things. I want to sit and enjoy the sunshine while its around, I want to explore op-shops and find treasures, I want to sit in my room and turn up the worship music and sing at the top of my voice. I want to laugh until I'm in tears, I want to go see a band i've never heard of and love every minute of it. I want to dance until I simply can't move anymore. I want to stay up all night, and sleep all day. I want to eat ice-cream and build a sand castle. I just want Simple. I want to read Alice and Wonderland a million times over. I want to see my best friend more. I want to drink tea. I want to take a million photos and cover my walls in memories. I want time to read the bible. I want to spend quality time with the people i love. These are the things that make me happy. These are the things that make me who i am. I don't want busy, I don't want serious, and i certainly don't want complicated. I need simple.
I find myself in tears over the pure frustration that I cannot break down the walls surrounding my heart. I feel as though if I do, everything will fall to pieces, and I won't be able to put them together again. But at the same time I know I have enough trust and faith to be able to let everything go, and open myself up to life. Pressure is the one thing that locks me up, so tight, but The thing is, I have the key, ready and waiting to unlock me, all I have to do is let go.
I realize now is the time to let go, to stop closing myself up, to dry my tears and use all of my courage to be who I am. I'm scared, but fear has never stopped me before. I'm ready.
I'm finally coming to a relization that i'm called to be an influence. There are so many people in my life who are so messed up, have no direction for there lives, and are becoming the people, they once, never wanted to be. This literally breaks my heart because I know they are so much better then what they are. I know that i can be the person they look up too. I want to inspire, I want to bring Jesus' light to the world through who I'm becoming and where i have been. I want to bring love, with no judgement and be someone who has a free shoulder to cry on. I want to be a person that is not afraid to take a step into the world and pull out those who have lost there way, and lead them back to the right track. I never want to bring anyone down, or tell anyone they're wrong. I simply want to be there for the people who are lost, and be ready and waiting to catch them when they fall. Be an insperation to have lost hope, lost faith, and guide them into his unconditional love.
Psalm 131.1- 3.
My heart is not proud, Lord, My eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things to wonderful for me. But i have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; Like a weaned child I am content. Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.
Oh, to be young, It sounds like so much fun. Oh, the long wait, For things to happen, expectancy. And you, just waiting on me. I wanna know what's in your plans.
If you're an ocean then I wanna jump right in. If you're a hand grenade, Then I'll pull the pin. I'll wait right here, all night for you to let me in and I'll run run run run, Run right back to you, I'll run.
Life's moving faster now. I'm older here, But younger somehow. Head full of fear and it makes me break. Please let me find you, Please let me know just what you want. Please let me see what you need me to be.
Oh, if you could see in me you might be kinda scared. Oh, if I could just believeYou'll take me anywhere